Not that she's so small anymore. She loves to eat and has packed on the pounds since birth. She left the hospital weighing 7 lbs. 3 oz. and at her 1 month check-up she weighed 10 lbs. 2 oz.! Three pounds in four weeks is impressive I think. She's grown about 2 inches (from 20 to almost 22 inches) and her head grew 2 inches as well (13 to 15 inches)- which we think is somewhat inaccurate since the first measurement was taken when her head was still cone-shaped. For those who care, that puts her in about the 75th percentile for weight and height and slightly higher for head circumference. Dustin did ask the doctor and, unfortunately, there is no significant correlation between head size and intelligence. We were hoping.
This cracked us up so we had to share: a sequence of Clara "pooing"... (caught these on Dustin's phone hence the poor quality) ...
Lucky for me, Clara had her days and nights figured out pretty much from the start. At the beginning I had to feed her continually through the night but now she'll sleep a 5-6 hour stretch (or possibly longer but my exploding chest won't let her go any longer yet). Needless to say, I'm a much happier girl now that I'm getting more sleep! She spends a lot more time awake now during the day and isn't trying to sleep through every feeding (which is beyond frustrating... we had to employ every cruel tactic- to include cold washcloths on her naked body- to keep her awake at the beginning). I swear she has more and more personality by the day (sometimes sweet and sometimes equally feisty/spunky). And we're catching bigger and bigger smiles every day.
Her first real bath (we had to wait until she was a month old to put her in the tub because her belly button took forever to heal)...
At a month I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of this motherhood thing. Frequent breastfeeding and diaper changing and all the inconveniences that come with life revolving around a baby now seem almost normal to me. Which is to say I've come a long way from feeling totally overwhelmed a few weeks ago.
I used to say that I wish people had been more open with me about the reality of pregnancy. But now I can honestly say I was a lot more prepared for pregnancy than I was for what I faced those first two weeks postpartum. Does everyone just forget what it's like to bring a baby home and be a complete hormonal mess? Why don't they mention it before they put that helpless infant in your arms? (Or maybe they did and I just didn't listen.) Why didn't I know that I would simultaneously experience every possible emotion- joy, love, fear, stress- and feel like a completely wreck and that this is normal and it will pass?
So I want to share a little bit about what I experienced post-partum that caught me so off guard (mostly for my own sake so I'm not so surprised the second time-around... if there is one... I'm not quite there yet!)
hormones/crying/"baby blues"- I'm not usually hormonal and even pregnant I wasn't exceptionally moody so this was totally new to me, you find yourself crying over every little thing, you feel crazy, other people will think you are crazy, your poor husband wonders if his wife will ever act sane again, the baby blues are very common (like 80-90% of women experience them) and usually pass within a few weeks, ever-so-slowly you will feel like yourself again
pain/swelling - from tearing/hemorrhoids/bleeding- you name it- it hurts, the drugs that help the pain made me feel worse in other ways/kept me awake at night, it took almost three weeks before I felt like things were finally healing down there
cramps - your uterus keeps cramping for days, for me this hurt worse than most of the labor (but I did get my epidural pretty early), breastfeeding only intensifies the cramps, mine were awful those first few nights in the hospital, stay on the drugs and just get through it (and remember, it's shrinking your uterus and returning your stomach to normal quicker!)
feeling overwhelmed/anxiety - like there is no way you are capable of caring for this baby (you are), like your life will never be normal again (it will never be the same, but some degree of normalcy will return), like as much as you love your little bundle you just want to go back to the way things were (in a short time you'll wonder how your life was ever complete without her)
sleep deprivation - I never knew I could be that tired and get by on that little sleep and still be alive, it won't kill you but it'll feel like it might
night sweats - this still happens but it was by far the worst the first week, I would wake up drenched/hair plastered to my face and shivering, at first I thought I was sick with a fever and then I read that this is just your body's way of shedding all that fluid you built up during pregnancy, gross-yes, normal-yeah
dizzy/lightheaded - I think this also had to do with my body regulating fluid levels after birth but those first two weeks I felt like I was going to pass out all day long, I also had to drink, drink, drink, and eat around the clock to stay conscious
breastfeeding is exhausting - it's hard hard work, you spend the majority of your day topless (and quickly stop caring who sees), it hurts at first (and if this continues too long I totally recommend a visit to a lactation consultant- they're awesome!), you'll love your new chest size if only it didn't feel so uncomfortable, it makes you hungry (like I mentioned, I have to eat around the clock and guzzle water so I don't feel sick), it gets easier every week, it's an awesome bonding experience, and pumping is a pain (a good pump is worth every penny) but allows you some much-needed freedom
constipation - stay on those stool softeners, break out the prunes, and don't freak out if it takes you four or five days to go, which you'll be dreading and it'll probably hurt as bad as expected
backache- from labor, from breastfeeding, at the epidural site- you've got lots of reasons for it to hurt, let those painkillers work their magic
hair shedding - this didn't start until about the 4th week and it sucks, I want to cry a little each time I take a shower and clumps of hair pool up in the drain, my hair thickened drastically while I was pregnant and I hoped it would last forever- not so
leftovers - pregnancy leaves its mark. I feel blessed that I returned to my pre-pregnancy size relatively quickly, but my body is not exactly the same. things are a little stretched our here and there and that weird dark line is still running down the middle of my belly- try to be patient and be proud of your body and what it accomplished
Don't think that there wasn't anything positive about those first weeks after having her. It's been one of the most exciting and happy times of our lives. But also insane. (Although I've heard it can get easier after your first.) You are just so physically and emotionally drained. Which makes it hard to fully enjoy it. Don't feel bad about that. All you can do is try to savor those moments despite how you feel. Because sooner than you know it your baby will be a month old and life will be looking a lot better and you'll almost miss those first crazy days and long nights with your tiny, adorable, perfect newborn.
(This newborn shot was taken at 3 weeks... more to come!!)
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